


Spiraling Out Of Control

by NoirAngel011



Series: Snapshots Of The March Girls; From 1861 To 1865 [5]
Category: Little Women Series - Louisa May Alcott
Genre: Guilt, Other, Starvation, This is little women so we know who's on her death bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21769705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoirAngel011/pseuds/NoirAngel011
Summary: Jo can’t deal with her emotions when Beth gets sick, fear, sorrow, and most of all guilt. She pushes them away for days and days and ignores taking care of herself  until she breaks in Laurie’s arms.Because Jo was closest to Beth, it only felt right for her to try to stay strong when she gets sick, but eventually break. And of course Laurie is always there to catch her when she falls. Based on the 2017 miniseries.
Relationships: Elizabeth March & Josephine March, Theodore Laurence & Josephine March
Series: Snapshots Of The March Girls; From 1861 To 1865 [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566445
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Spiraling Out Of Control

Jo was distraught. She was panicked and felt guilty and seemed as if on edge constantly.

When Beth had gotten sick, Jo blamed herself. She knew she should have been the one to go to the Hummels, or at the very least have gone along side Beth. But instead, she blamed a cold she had since recovered from and because of her Beth was suffering.

Meg told her constantly that it wasn’t her fault, that she couldn’t have known anything bad would have happened. That didn’t stop jo from placing the blame on herself.

She stayed in the sickroom with Beth almost every hour, day and night. When Meg had to forcefully put her to bed, she snuck back out and went downstairs to where Beth laid. Hannah, who had been watching over the sick girl, hadn’t said a word and let her sit next to Beth until sunrise.

Amy was sent away, to stay with Aunt March, just for a little while. She complained and cried over it. Jo wanted to slap her again. How could she be mad about a parrot when Beth was dying! But she held back, because family was the important thing, and Amy was family, no matter how superficial, nonsensical, or bratty she might be.

And Laurie, Laurie hated to see Jo hurt. She was in so much emotional pain that it was causing physical side effects.

She wasn’t sleeping, and there were deep bags under her eyes. She wasn’t eating, and kept getting skinnier and skinnier day by day. She hardly ever drank any water now, and Lauire worried that her internal organs might start failing because of it. It was like she wanted to die alongside Beth.

Meg remembered hugging Jo once, only six days after Beth had fallen ill. Jo had always been skinny, but now she just felt like skin and bones. Jo had cried on her shoulder until there were no tears left, and then returned to Beth in the sickroom.

Laurie tried to come over everyday. After he took Amy out for a ride like he promised and dropped her back off at Aunt March’s, he returned to the Orchard House.

He did it for Jo, for Meg, and for Beth. With Beth and Jo out of commission and Marmee away in Washington, lots of household chores were left undone. Laurie helped Meg clean the kitchen and dust the girl’s bedrooms.

And then he spent time with Jo. It hurt him so terribly to see her like that. She had abandoned her writing in favor of sitting in the chair next to Beth’s bed. Mostly, she would just look at Beth and pray, other times she would read. Sometimes, she got so lost in thought that she would read an entire page and not remember anything of what she had just read merely a second ago.

“Please, Jo. Please. You need to eat something,” he told her one day, taking her into his arms and carrying her out of the sickroom. Beth was sleeping soundly, but Jo was starting to lay restless, her hunger finally becoming painful.

He carried her into the kitchen, where Meg was cleaning the counter. Jo shook her head.

“Not hungry.” Was all she said.

“Lies! You’re starving yourself and you know it!” Meg snapped, yelling at Jo. Her eyes widened and she buried her head in the crook of Laurie’s neck, trying to keep her tears at bay. She was so emotionally overwhelmed, the yelling and screaming hurt terribly.

“I’m so sorry, Jo. I’m so desperately sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you like that, I’m sorry,” Meg tried to apologize, but Jo tuned her out. 

“It’s okay Meg. These times are just putting a strain on everyone. She’s been more out of it today than she has in the past week.” Laurie tried to comfort Meg as best he could, while still holding Jo close to his chest.

It was the day after they had sent out a telegram for Marmee. She was on her way and would be home in less than four hours. They really needed to get Jo back on her feet, or else Marmee would blame Meg for not taking care of her little sisters.

“I still have her breakfast from this morning that she never ate,” Meg said, walking over to where Jo plate still sat from less than an hour ago. She had refused to eat it, but Laurie was determined and would force feed her if he had to.

“It’s not very hot, but it will keep her from starving,” Meg slid the plate of pancakes and berries over to them. Jo was still cradled in his arms, and he slowly let her down onto the stool her plate was in front of.

“Eat it, please. I will force it into you if you refuse again,” he told her sternly. Jo nodded, knowing that she couldn’t keep up forever. She needed to eat and was really tired. Slowly, she shoveled the food into her mouth. Meg was still cleaning up the kitchen, and Laurie stayed at Jo’s side.

“Is Beth all alone in the sickroom?” Jo asked quietly, picking at her food. She hated it when everyone seemed to forgot Beth was even there and left her by herself.

“Not now, Jo. Hannah went in there a few minutes ago.” Meg told her, passing her a cup of water. She needed to build her strength back up.

She actually hadn’t seen anyone go into the sickroom, but it was easier to lie to Jo than to have her freak out. And Meg herself was busy. Laurie sent her a look but she deflected it.

Jo was still in her nightgown from two days ago, not having bathed or changed. Once she had eaten stopping many times and declaring she was finished, until Laurie picked up the fork and shoved more into her mouth and she continued to eat until the plate was cleared.

“Come on, you need to get to bed,” Laurie told her, gathering Jo back up into his arms. Her legs were shaking and he didn’t trust her to walk up the stairs on her own without falling. 

Jo didn’t even try to say she wasn’t tired, because truthfully, she was. She was so sleep-deprived she thought she might have been having the same hallucinations as beth once. In Laurie’s arms she felt like dead weight. 

He tucked her into bed, shutting her curtains to keep the early morning sun light out.

“Stay?” she asked, her voice tired and weak. His heart broke hearing it.

“Sure. Only for you,” he smiled. He could already see the color returning to her face and her freckles standing out on her cheeks again.

He laid down on the bed next to Jo on top of the covers.

“I wish you wouldn’t do this to yourself. I know you worry about Beth but you can’t completely ignore all your basic needs.” He gently rubbed her arm.

“I know!” Jo was on the verge of tears. “But I feel so guilty! She shouldn’t have gone out, it should have been me! But I told her to go out along and now she could die because of it!” Jo was in hysterics, letting the tears fall down her face.

“No, Jo. It is not you’re fault. The Hummels were just as much my responsibility as they were your, Meg, Beth and Amy’s! Marmee told me to check in on them, and I never did. If anything, this is on me.” Laurie wanted to cry now too, but had to keep dry eyes for Jo’s sake.

“Listen, I know you feel guilty, and I know you’re scared for Beth. But you need to keep yourself healthy so you can help Beth get healthy. Okay?” He pulled her into a tight hug.

Jo cried, she just cried. That’s all she could do. And Laurie held her throughout it, stroking her unbrushed hair and rubbing his free hand up and down her arm in what he hoped was a comforting gesture.

“You-you should-shoudn’t have to s-see me like th-this. I’m a wr-wreck.” Jo whispered into his shoulder, choking on her words. Laurie just gently hushed her.

“No, it’s okay, really truly. I want to be here for you, and if there ever was a time to be so that time is now,” he told her, trailing his hand down her arm and interlocking their fingers.

“Right now you need sleep. Marmee will be home soon to take care of Beth and she’ll want you to be healthy,” he brushed the short hair out of her eyes. Jo rested her head against the pillows.

“I'm always here for you, I promise.” he whispered one last time. She smiled at him.

Jo finally gave in and let herself drop off to sleep, closing her eyes and never feeling safer in somebody's arms.


End file.
